Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
