he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
