very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
