I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
