foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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