I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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