Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
