there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
