she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
