i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
