i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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