One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
