just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So much rum. So many feels.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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