If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
