Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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