That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
