I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
