When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
