Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
