We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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