He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
