Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
