I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
