dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
