i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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