Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
