I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
