these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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