Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drunk walkin through police station. America
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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