why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
