meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Every concussion has its silver lining
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
