I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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