You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ttyl tear gas
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
