I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
