I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need a beard to bite.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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