i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
