i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
