When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
