you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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