so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
