Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
