so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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