life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
apparently the secret to your success is patron
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
