so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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