he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
