haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
