i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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