Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
