i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
