I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
