I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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