I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
