something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
