I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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